Martannasmimi’s Weblog


The Blanket
November 14, 2009, 3:04 pm
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The Blanket

The other day I made the 2 1/2 hour trek to Jersey to spend the night and the following day with Liam,  my 3 month old grandson.
The swine flu has made it impossible for him to be in daycare.
I am happy that he isn’t able to go and only wish that they lived closer to me so that I could help out a bit more .
 
It was a gray crisp fall day and I thought I would bundle up little Liam and take him out for a long walk. This meant that we had to put on outerwear, something very new for this little guy,  getting on the sweater was a bit of a struggle and then that most hated hat.  All dressed we set off in the stroller to do some exploring around the neighborhood.
 
There are many streams that run thru this town, including  one that runs along the back of their property,  making for the most serene setting especially in fall with all of the brilliant yellow and orange leaves.
 
I have a very vivid imagination and I need a theme or a goal for most everything that I do. That said it is pretty difficult to be very creative with a 3 month old,  so other than just walking aimlessly I told baby Liam that were going to go search for the Reindeers .
 
The suburban towns in this area have deer and turkeys and other creatures that live in and around the winding maze of streams and ponds.
 
We walked for an hour and a half,  but sadly,  we didn’t find a single Deer or Turkey.  All the way I kept talking to him,  and saying sorry baby Liam no Reindeers only a few busy Squirrels gathering up some acorns for the upcoming winter.
When we arrived home fullof fresh fall air he was eager to eat and then he fell fast asleep in my arms…oh, such a sweet moment for me.
 
Not so long after,  Suzie and Ian arrived .  They were so happy to be home with their sweet little baby. They missed him so.
We ate some dinner and then  Liam went off for his nightly bath and dinner.
Ian and I were laying on the couch watching a bit of TV and I was dozing off, the fresh air,  long walk , Reindeer search and that 2nd glass of red wine had made me quite sleepy.
 
Are you coming up Mom he asked?   Half asleep I replied ”in a few minutes.”  He started to walk out of the room but then turned back,  he grabbed a blanket and put it over me and then tucked it in around my feet, and then placed a kiss on my forehead. ..”Good night Mommy”  he said.
 
I opened my eyes and looked at him and said” thanks” .. for what he asked,
for just being so nice to me.
He looked at me as if  I was just crazy and I said you just have no idea what that meant to me,  and I am sure he doesn’t,  he doesn’t have a clue,  but as I write this I can tell you that I have relived that moment at least 10 times today.
 I’m not  exactly sure what that says about how abnormal my life has become.  A life where another culture  dictates an “odd and totally alien brand of normal”  one that has forever altered any understanding Imight have once thought I had of what is “normal”  in my family, one that makes me question daily what is really normal in and for  my life.
Although you don’t look a bit Italian Ian,   you truly have been blessed with an Italian heart and I am ever so grateful for that…okay an Italian temper as well.
 So thank you Ian for “rocking my world” and reminding me that I am still loved as a person, and as a mother.  I know for you it was just “normal“…. a blanket and a good night kiss,  but for me it was just so wonderful because I had almost forgotten what it felt like,  if only for a minute to just be ”normal” and to “feel”  loved …by my own child.
I love you Ian…..
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20 minutes with the “Wildcats”
November 10, 2009, 3:48 am
Filed under: Uncategorized

Little girls..

Tonight I was picking up a Blue Cheese Burger from The Park Bench …one of our local restaurants ..
Life has been very busy lately and I was craving one of these all day long

As I sat waited for my order… I noticed that the restaurant (Pub) was beginning to fill up with little girls who seemed to be about 7 or 8 years old. They all trickled in with their parents in tow… wearing the same green sports jerseys and soccer cleats.

Little by little the long tables began to fill up and pretty soon the room was just overflowing with the
“Wildcats”.

This was the end of season party for these little girl soccer players.

As I waited I found myself looking up and down the tables thinking I how I wished that Marta could be one of these little girls . I could almost see her face in the crowd possibly with her little sister Anna sitting next to her among the bigger girls. I could envision her talking away and organizing her friends for future outings and play dates.
In the corners of the room the parents chatted with one another, some of the grandparents were there too assisting at the tables with this tired but vocal crowd of 60 little giggling girls.

I thought to myself ..here it is, Americana at it’s very best.
Little soccer stars with blonde curls enjoying the success of their winning (or perhaps not) season in the company of one another and their families..
As much as I enjoyed watching them it made me very sad too. I thought why did I need to see this tonight? Where is my family where are my little girls.

Why were there not 10 middle aged or older aged couples just quietly eating their dinner as I waited for my dinner. …why 60 Wildcats”.

Why does the Universe conspire against me at times . This kind of thing happens to me so often ..it’s just torture. What puts me in a room filled with happy little girls and families and why did I have to sit and wait 20 minutes to watch what I am unable to have in my life.
I try so hard to fill every moment of every day so as to not have much down time to think and then I am forced by circumstances to sit quietly for 20 minutes and look on with what can best be described as envy at what I am forbidden by circumstance to have in my life.

If as the Bible says that there truly is really a reason for every season, then what is this purpose under heaven …
What is the lesson for me.

I’m just so sad tonight and I miss my little girls, my son and even Epp, the person who brought this to me and my life.

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Mr. Baby Liams Christening
November 6, 2009, 2:47 am
Filed under: Uncategorized

IMG_1690 This  past weekend was a big celebration for my son Ian and his wife Suzanne’s baby,  Liam.   It was his Baptism day and everyon(60) people gathered in a church in Westwood New Jersey bare witness to this most celebrated tradition.  His godmother was Suzie’s special cousin Susan..his godfather was Justin,  but his Popa John was the proxy as Justin lives on the other side of the Earth from us. The priest was actually very nice,  and said good and relevant things…He asked out loud,   what is the most important thing that Liams parents can do for him. He looked around meekly as some offered up ideas.  One shouted love and support him, another said give him a close and involved family, one yelled out  ”love the lord” which prompted me to want to respond by yelling out  Hallelujah . I am not a big volunteer for this sort of speak out in the chuch thing…as we all waited he simple stated that the most important thing Liam’s parents can do for him is to love one another. Because if you do not you will not be able to give him a very happy life.

It’s very true you fall in love with your children and as a couple you begin to then love around them. We here in this country are so focused on loving our children and giving them everything that perhaps he has a point ..we lose the most important part of what makes life  “all good”.. Very wise advice from a man who never has never know what it feels like to hold his own child for the very first time.

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