Martannasmimi’s Weblog


Fluffy vs Non Fluffy
February 27, 2009, 6:36 pm
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fluffy 

Fluffy vs Non Fluffy People
 
I have always wondered why the seemingly nicest of people pair up with cranky,cold, snippy people.
Much has been written about in both literature and music on how opposites attract.
Why would a perfectly sane nice person, a “fluffy person”… find anything desirable in a cranky or somewhat difficult non fluffy person.
 
I will use me as an example. I am a “fluffy” person,  and not by any means a perfect person, but I am married to a “non fluffy person. 
My personal story is that I assumed that all my ”fluffiness” would rub off on him. I would be the warm caring person that he needed to morph into a sweet, warm fuzzy human.
Nope …never happened ..He took all my goodness and gave me frostiness in return.
He is just a prisoner of his genes and being a Virgo LOL.   We can blame it all on his mother but he has had 40 or so years to reconfigure himself from that experience, and I am a bit touchy at this time in my life about being blamed myself.
 
I have devoted my entire life to “giving” and here I am at  61+ and now I find myself more than a bit angry about the way it all turned out. It makes me so angry at times that that mere words like hostile cannot do my feelings justice.
 
My children (sons), who over my lifetime I have loved more then my very own life,  have married and now are seemingly “just not that into me”.
 
If I  mention anything about being sad about not hearing from them,  or not getting a response for days on an E card or Email … then,  as Epp, my daughter in law ( who I love dearly) will say that my expressing my feelings only serves to create more negative feelings toward me and promote the opposite of what I am trying to achieve.
 
Well,  at least she & I ….communicate.
 
Oh ….here she is whining once again about us living so far away and not being able to see her family or grandchildren,  lets ignore her feelings and push back because she has to burden us by mentioning  all too often that she is sad and missing her grandchildren.
 
Makes perfect sense don’t you think?
 
Perhaps they should know that it works the opposite for me as well.  If I am sad and they push me away or make me feel that my sadness is illegitimate
I not only become sadder …but more hostile as well…and as a MD professor at school once said “anger and hostility are not unlike like rain on a bad roof,  water will always find a way to get into the house. A terrific metaphor from a long time ago.
 
Then there is the Jersey boy…the one who does call me back,  and does return,  however short,  my Emails…but he too is very busy and snippy at times  and his wife has obligations that render their time for me rather limited.
They live an hour and a half away and I have spent only 5 days with them since October 4th 2008.
 
So much for “communication” the staple of  the 60’s & 70 ’s, the  ”feelings” generation… If only they realized that just a bit of  “reach out”,  warmth and understanding would balance out this Ying & Yang,  and perhaps make me less sad & seemingly needy…. but then that would take a bit of time and consideration not much of that at the moment  for a Mimi.
 
Whoever came to the conclusion that communication is a good thing,  and that it is what builds secure good relationships, whoever taught and or developed this theory or concept clearly has never met my family…
 
Once again at 60+ I am learning that most everything that I thought to be true and was taught to believe about life seems not to be relative in my current situation.
 
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Suzanne & Ian
February 2, 2009, 5:20 am
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Ian & Suzie October 4th 2008

suzie-ian-favorite-pic

The one…..

I have been procrastinating for months but it is more than time to write about  Ian and Suzanne                                                                                                                                                                                                                                  

We had all been waiting forever for “the one” .  We,  all of us,  were afraid that if we showed our true selves perhaps Suzie would move on to saner pastures.

After the tennis accident…where she beat his butt and he fell down in a pile to the ground…. it was a  ruptured achilles…..  she stayed.

She didn’t grab her car keys, run and leave his injured sorry ass self in the ER.       She took him home,  took off time from work,  and she took care of him…for weeks and months.  She drove him to work picked him up and did most everything for him.

If he would have done anything other then marry her after that we would have had been forced to have had him killed.                                                                      

They seemed happy, I mean really happy,  happier then I had ever seen Ian.    His brother Justin and Epp my daughter in law kept asking ..do you think this is it ..do you think  she’ s the one.?  Please let her be the one.          I think so, I kept saying.   As much as Marta wanted to call Suzie,   Aunt Suzie  they said no,  not yet to Marta…for fear it might not come true.                                  

On Christmas morning 2007 Suzie & Ian  walk in the door and as I took their coats she showed me her ring.  I was so happy I just cried..   This was such a wonderful Christmas gift and now that she was  “the one”,  wedding plans were about to begin.  After months of preparation, they married on the most beautiful, sunny warm October day and had their celebration as they had both dreamed of …on the beach at sunset.

She was the one,  she won all of our hearts,  she liked us, I think (most of the time)  and loved little Marta and then baby Anna…and now there is a new baby coming,  an Ian & Suzie baby ….due in mid August.   

We are all so very happy that Suzie was ....”the one”

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