Martannasmimi’s Weblog

The Blanket

Little girls..

Tonight I was picking up a Blue Cheese Burger from The Park Bench …one of our local restaurants ..
Life has been very busy lately and I was craving one of these all day long

As I sat waited for my order… I noticed that the restaurant (Pub) was beginning to fill up with little girls who seemed to be about 7 or 8 years old. They all trickled in with their parents in tow… wearing the same green sports jerseys and soccer cleats.

Little by little the long tables began to fill up and pretty soon the room was just overflowing with the
“Wildcats”.

This was the end of season party for these little girl soccer players.

As I waited I found myself looking up and down the tables thinking I how I wished that Marta could be one of these little girls . I could almost see her face in the crowd possibly with her little sister Anna sitting next to her among the bigger girls. I could envision her talking away and organizing her friends for future outings and play dates.
In the corners of the room the parents chatted with one another, some of the grandparents were there too assisting at the tables with this tired but vocal crowd of 60 little giggling girls.

I thought to myself ..here it is, Americana at it’s very best.
Little soccer stars with blonde curls enjoying the success of their winning (or perhaps not) season in the company of one another and their families..
As much as I enjoyed watching them it made me very sad too. I thought why did I need to see this tonight? Where is my family where are my little girls.

Why were there not 10 middle aged or older aged couples just quietly eating their dinner as I waited for my dinner. …why 60 Wildcats”.

Why does the Universe conspire against me at times . This kind of thing happens to me so often ..it’s just torture. What puts me in a room filled with happy little girls and families and why did I have to sit and wait 20 minutes to watch what I am unable to have in my life.
I try so hard to fill every moment of every day so as to not have much down time to think and then I am forced by circumstances to sit quietly for 20 minutes and look on with what can best be described as envy at what I am forbidden by circumstance to have in my life.

If as the Bible says that there truly is really a reason for every season, then what is this purpose under heaven …
What is the lesson for me.

I’m just so sad tonight and I miss my little girls, my son and even Epp, the person who brought this to me and my life.

 This  past weekend was a big celebration for my son Ian and his wife Suzanne’s baby,  Liam.   It was his Baptism day and everyon(60) people gathered in a church in Westwood New Jersey bare witness to this most celebrated tradition.  His godmother was Suzie’s special cousin Susan..his godfather was Justin,  but his Popa John was the proxy as Justin lives on the other side of the Earth from us. The priest was actually very nice,  and said good and relevant things…He asked out loud,   what is the most important thing that Liams parents can do for him. He looked around meekly as some offered up ideas.  One shouted love and support him, another said give him a close and involved family, one yelled out  ”love the lord” which prompted me to want to respond by yelling out  Hallelujah . I am not a big volunteer for this sort of speak out in the chuch thing…as we all waited he simple stated that the most important thing Liam’s parents can do for him is to love one another. Because if you do not you will not be able to give him a very happy life.

It’s very true you fall in love with your children and as a couple you begin to then love around them. We here in this country are so focused on loving our children and giving them everything that perhaps he has a point ..we lose the most important part of what makes life  “all good”.. Very wise advice from a man who never has never know what it feels like to hold his own child for the very first time.

Call it writers block or just an unwillingness to ser come to an emotional need to put my fingers to a keyboard and write some long miserable diatribe on how much I hate that my grandaudies live on the other side of the earth. 

Each day I hope that  I will feel better about this so I can write something fun and happy…but fun and happy live quite far away from here at the moment.         

Marta is getting a bit older now and she doesn’t seem quite as interested in talking to her Mimi on the phone …a few minutes is all she has for me and then it’s back to the TV show or a DVD.  Anna is still having some difficulty with English so we only have a few words to say to each other …but at least she knows it’s me and who “me” is when I call.

Today was about my worst food day in a very long time there hasn’t been a day like this since the holidays. A total food disaster….. Popa John is on a business trip to San Francisco so it’s just the Mimi and Hannah the dog till Friday.  I made a big tray of Pasta  for an open house ( I am a Real Estate Broker). I started it at 6:30 AM ..don’t ask why, but by 8AM  it was done and I shared what wouldn’t fit  into the tray with the dog for breakfast. Yum.. oh with my Coffee….yum.  My open house was at 12:30  so I had a bit more pasta with my fellow brokers ..yum,  and then I had some more with another group, …yum,  and then I had a bit more yum …I came home at from work at 6Pm  and Hannah and I ate more pasta …. yum.   Totally disgusted I told Hannah that we needed to go for a long walk at least 2 miles to begin the process undoing our/my overly “yummie” pasta day. Off we went for a long walk along the harbor. We walked  for about 2 miles feeling somewhat content that  I/we had walked off perhaps  one or two of  the many servings of pasta, then we started back home.   Just as I was feeling a bit better about  my foodie day what should jump out from the side of the road but the very yummy Gelato Store.  Martas very favorite Gelato Store. Turning into the parking lot  I knew that this was a day that was just a total loss.. 1 small stawberry  Gelato please ..in an edible cup ( just to be Green) …Fresh Strawberry Gelato…what more can be said about this day…..Yum!

The health benefits of Gelato: http://www.caffegelato.net/html/gelato.html

 On most  permit able evenings I take my dog Hannah for a sunset walk along our beautiful little Harbor .                                                                            She,  Hannah the dog,  (as Marta calls her) loves to sniff her way along the shoreline.   She  so enjoys visiting with all the other dogs who are out for their evening stroll.  Several dogs live along side the Harbor and bark hello at us as we make our way along the waters edge.

There is something magical  about this special body of water .  It is a place that in some ways time forgot..

Dear Annabella ,